Saturday, July 17, 2010

Consorting with the Enemy!

In the authors group of which I am a member, I read about a writer who is dealing with a negative and very unsupportive family when it comes to her passion for writing.

I, fortunately, have never experienced this within my own family. My parents and extended family of siblings and various in-laws have been so supportive and excited about my yearning for following this dream of writing. But it has never been just one thing. I am the oldest of five children, 33 to 22, and no matter what avenue any one of us at any time has pursued from sports to music to writing, there is unconditional support from all of us.

Over the last 17 years, I have coached cheerleading at all stages from youth leagues to high school to all stars. I have had the incredible honor of being a small part of so many girls, and a few boys, lives. Many of them I still keep in contact with to this day, though they are parents themselves. One of the things I learned over the many years of coaching is that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world because of the family dynamic. Of course, we fight and argue just like every other family. However, at the end of the day, there is no question in my mind as to whether or not my family loves and supports me. No matter how many times I screw in this life, big or small or HUGE! They will always be there to pick me up again. Another thing I have learned is that my family and I seem to be the weird ones, in today's society. We are the anomialies.

Yes, I can say that I don't know from experience what this writer is going through with her family.

BUT, I can say that I DO know from experience about letting someone else tell you whether or not you are good, or beautiful or worthless or untalented or wasting your time because you could never accomplish that goal. I know what it is like to have someone making you feel like you are worthless, and not good at anything. I know what is it like to fall in love with someone who loves someone else, and what it feels like to internalize the pain and rejection and letting them dictate your self-worth.

I have dealt with this someone for years. I am unable to win them over. I am unable to shake them off. Where ever I go, she goes. It is like we are unseparable. Because we are! I am truly my own worst enemy.
It is my own words telling me I can't do it. It is my own eyes staring back at me telling me that I'm worthless. It feels like I'm two completely different people trying to live two different lives with the same body. Each one struggling for control. Most of the time, it is easy to keep her at bay. But it is at those weak moments where her negative doubts and feelings can create such havoc and destruction.

So, how do you fight the demons inside? How do you look them in the face and laugh?
How do you turn the negatives into positives?

I wish there was a magic potion I could bottle and sell. But there isn't. It is simply this.
Pray. Stay close to the Lord, and never let your praying knees get lazy.


  1. I love this post! It is so true for me. I wish everyone had a family that supported them through success & failure. Because nobody is perfect. Support through the hard times is the love that people need the most.
    My poor husband, his mother never tells him she is proud of him. She finds fault in all his efforts. But now he is learning about family love from me and our two daughters. He is becoming more confident.
    Cuz I love you, let me tell that negative little devil on your shoulder that YOU are great. And a great writer too!

  2. My father told his children constantly that they were stupid. He was a genius at math, so of course I did terribly there. But, as the years went on, I found my strengths and learned to depend on them to build my self confidence. So, that's where my self-esteem comes from, besides from knowing that I am a daughter of God with divine qualities.

    I think the only way you can convince yourself--and your invisible friend--of your worth is to celebrate every little good thing about yourself every day, and then every night express your gratitude for the good in you. Put angels on your shoulders and don't offer the demons a place to sit. Start a list today of the good in you and carry it with you everywhere you go. Read and re-read it until you no longer believe the negatives. Who knows how long it will take, but someday you will realize you can only remember the positives. hugs : )

  3. Thank you so much for the positive words of encouragement. I'm a slow learner in this dept. and I'm really trying DAILY to not let the "everyday" stresses of life, finances, and work dictate how I see and view myself. It is a daily challenge for me, but ONE of these DAYS I will conquer it! I also believe I'm a daughter of God, though I sometimes believe He isn't all that happy with me, but He never stops loving me!

    Thanks again, for your words and for listening...